The Showath

Wow, it has been a long time. I know no one reads this, so it doesn’t really matter. But, I’ve decided to stave off the brain-mushing effects of being out of school for 2 years I had better write something. I tried writing traffic tickets, but it was pointed out to me that awesome as the power of Action Steve is, I still have no “authority” over lesser men.

Except in the area of the Showath. I am king of the showath. I am also king of pants and no-pants. To understand that you must ask Action-wife.

What is a Showath I hear you ask from atop my gilded throne? I am glad for your curiosity, for it is truly the greatest of all morning routines, and (confidentially) the secret to all my power.

Let us first examine the word. Showath from the Latin, shwatis, meaning to eviscerate small animals. The jury is sill out on this one (much like science). However, most scholars agree that the sheer man-pleasure an ancient roman legionnaire received from performing an act of shwatis on say, lesser empires, is roughly equivalent to the joy a modern man receives form a truly wonderful showath.

(As a curious side note, Showath in French means to flee from pursuers while peeing oneself. But, as that is their national sport, it only stands to reason that many French words do in fact have meaning based on some variation of this phrase. The entire French language was invented to more properly describe how to run from pursuers. You know how Eskimos have like 30 words for snow? Same thing with the French. Only with, you know, running. And fleeing.)

The modern derivation of the word Showath comes from the combination of two words. Shower, and Bath.

But how does one implement such a feat of pure awesome and manliness?

The following is for informational purposes only. In no way does Action Steve inc. recommend actually performing a Showath. Doing so will cause blindness and almost immediate death.

Step 1: Turn on the shower. The proper way to do this, as all men are born knowing, is to take the water to a temperature that will scald and boil the skin from your bones and then take it back a skoosh.

Step 2: Aim the water to the back wall of the tub to warm the uncomfortably cold tub and tile/ceramic/gilded wall.

Step 3: Position water in such a way as to hit you in the chest in the unlikely situation you were to be found sitting in the back of the tub.

Step 4: Sit in the back of the tub.

Step 5: Enjoy the pure awesome and manliness of it all.

This practice was passed on to me from the sage I found in the cold frozen tundra of the north, after passing almost insurmountable obstacles with Chuck Norris as my only companion.

I offer it to you free of charge, with only the modest request that once you enjoy the pure awesome etc…(see above) you make me your liege lord. (I’ve been having rebellions as of late and need to replenish my stock of vassals)

You will find this a fair price.

~Action Steve